I would like to take a moment to pay my respects to some of the writers and thinkers who have most influenced my mind. In somewhat chronological order:
Nothing seems to get in the way of growth more than trying – in the sense that the word is used these days. An example of this came up while I was learning pool recently. I am pretty bad at pool. I was never taught before, so this did not surprise me.
I asked a skillful friend to give me some pointers, and he showed me how everything I was doing was wrong. One of my worst areas was hitting angles. I could see the angle in my mind, just not hit it on the table. He showed me different ways to visualize the contact, but ultimately said I would have to “find a way that works for me”.
As I lay across the table, “trying” to hit the ball correctly, it occurred to me that trying was getting in my way. We only try when we’re not certain; but if we’re uncertain, how can we try? It’s like saying I will try to know what I don’t know, or do what I can’t do. How is that different from guessing, or depending on luck? If I knew how to do something, I wouldn’t have to try. This made me wonder what “trying” really is, since it seems to offer nothing.
Because I don’t know how to hit the ball, I need to get scientific about it: shoot as many ways as possible, over and over again, and measure the results. When I find a method that works consistently, keep practicing until the input leads to the desired output. Perhaps this is the original meaning of trying: to experiment continually, paying close attention to each action and its results. In this way I “try” myself through repeated experience, gradually learning the right way to shoot.
Modern “trying” gets in the way of this by creating the illusion that I can shoot well if I only try hard enough. But is skill a question of knowledge or effort? If I fail, was my trying inept or my knowledge insufficient? I can think of no way to become better at trying. I can think of many ways to improve my knowledge.
The example of shooting pool is benign, but it applies to other areas too, like trying to become spiritual. Here too, I find that trying is the biggest obstacle. There is no way to try to do what one cannot do: if a person does not understand the grounds for patience, there is no way to try to be patient. The end will either be frustration, or luck, or the belief that one needs to “try harder”. Even when success is found, there is no certainty behind it or confidence in how to reproduce it. It’s a completely haphazard approach to behavior.
Instead, I believe the key to growth is education through learning, experimentation and observation. Instead of trying to be patient, experiment with different way of relating to situations and examine the results. There can be no failure in the process of education since it’s all data-gathering – both the cases that succeed and the ones that fail. A large sampling of both is needed, in fact, to provide a firm basis for conscious knowledge.
While a person is learning, they are not looking for success, but rather an understanding of what leads to success and failure. Once that understanding is in place, action can follow knowledge. This implies detachment from the outcome while learning, since there will be many more occurrences of failure than success. If this detachment does not exist, it implies a focus on the outcome rather than on understanding the process.
So rather than trying to hit the ball correctly, I now shoot at it a few hundred times a day, failing much more than I succeed, but learning each time. Enough of this, and I will discover exactly what to do, what not to do, and why. But the sort of trying that leads to frustration, or “trying too hard”, rather than leading to knowledge, can make some of the simplest things impossible to see.
I tend to think that we have enough freedom to express our spirit, but not enough to go against the plan of God. That is, He may have fixed certain details of our lives – gender, innate ability, country, culture, etc. – but what we do with these things is up to us. We all have to die at some point, but the real question is: how will we live?
Fate explains to me why certain people are excellent at some things, and others aren’t. There are musicians, for example, who can work magic with their instruments. By studying, I’m sure I could become pretty good, but those people just seem to have a natural “talent” which puts them much further ahead than I will ever reach.
I would say that such people are “fated” with their talent. The question now is: how will they use it? Each person has a different fate, but the task put to all is the same. How we train our heart, and express it within our fate, is the key.
This would mean that there is always enough choice to reveal our true spirit, but not enough to alter God’s plan. It’s a bit like your school situation: You can only choose from a limited number of courses, majors, and degrees. Your heart’s desire is to serve humanity. So it falls upon your freedom of will to choose how you will fulfill that desire given your constraints.
Isn’t all artistic expression the result of the artist going beyond the limitations of his medium? Perhaps fate is the soul’s medium, so that it too can express the beauty of its nature.
The perception of value determines behavior; the soul of virtue is bound up in how we feel about things. What is valued varies from person to person, but behind every commitment lies respect for some ideal: pleasure, safety, honor, love. When a thing becomes meaningless, it drops from our lives; detachment is the natural consequence of failing to see value in something relative to other things.
If how we see is a propelling force of conduct, how to transform vision? The perception of value is not easily controlled. Can a person decide to start loving someone, or choose not to? Value is driven from a deeper source than the mind. It colors thought. If even our will is shaded by what we seek to change, how can we make progress?
The only way I can think of to create a sense of value where none exists is to inculcate a higher vision. When we look at a seed, for example, we know its value because we appreciate the tree it can become. But if we did not know about the tree, would we value the seed?
It would require the word of someone we trust to tell us that yes, this seed will grow into something much greater than its present form. That trust creates a sense of connection within our hearts to the unseen reality beyond the seed. In this way, without experience we are able to move past the smallness of the seed and approach the greatness of the tree to come.
This transcendental value, or overlay of value upon a thing seen as worthless, is faith. It works the other way as well. If we have faith in the unseen form of something, it changes how we feel about its present form. Thus the power of faith is in changing how value is perceived. It can radically alter behavior.
Faith is created through education by an authority we accept. Our first experience of this was our parents; the second, society. And although we each possess a non-relative way to measure value: pain and pleasure: the values projected by faith are needed to overcome the very narrow range of such a measurement. Sometimes a momentary pain will lead to lasting pleasure, and vice-versa. The values of the body are not sufficient to govern life. We require education to create a system of values better suited to the range of our existence.
If our spirits will survive physical death, this implies that another system of values is needed to properly guide our actions in this life. All choices have consequences. If some choices will echo past the grave, our vision must include that fact. This is the role religion offers to play based on the authority of its Founders. They describe a set of values which will direct us toward the best possible outcome in the long-term. Faith in that set of values leads to a specific range of behavior, which is termed “virtuous”.
One of the fundamental teachings, for example, is the beauty of all things: even foul events have the underlying motive to train and better us. When this beauty is actually seen, through faith, the heart falls in love with what it sees. It then acts toward the world as one acts toward anything beloved, with the result that sacrifice, patience, and forgiveness, are all natural. Faith allows love to bloom, which flowers in the form of virtue.
Each system of values is proven by the lifestyle it creates. I look to a person’s life for signs of happiness and grace before deciding what I think about their values. Whether any system – and the authority proposing it – is worthwhile, depends on what kind of outcome you are looking for. If a farmer wants trees, he must learn to believe in the nature of seeds, knowing when to sew, when to wait, when to reap; if people want peace in the world, they must learn principles which lead to enduring peace, when to act, when to fight, when to let things develop as they will.
The hardest part is that what we want relates to value. This creates a cycle difficult to escape from. If we are not taught what to want, how can we value the teachings that lead to what we’d desire most had we known about it? If a person’s values are badly skewed, they will want what is harmful without ever seeing the danger. This is why education of children is so important before a limiting mindset takes over. If young people are not instilled with a sense of life’s wonderful potential, they may never make the effort to seek it later on.
I can only suggest that you ask yourself whether your life is what you want it to be. If not, question everything. It may be your efforts need changing, or your values, your vision, your education. Do you treat yourself and others the way you want to be treating them? It all proceeds from the heart, which is powerfully affected by faith. What you choose to believe in will determine the life you lead.
The moth is a mystic prince:
one who seeks the light
because he can live no other way.
The moon beckons him
across vast, impossible distances --
yet on he flies
never thinking of his headway.
If he reach a fire
and have nothing for the altar,
he places himself upon the stone
and becomes what he admires.
Only the moth knows
that love is not enough.
His search will never cease until he blazes
with the same light that he seeks.I would like to tell story of my encounters with faith. It is a story with many chapters so far, and I hope many more to come. Perhaps in what I’ve gone through, there may be something of interest to others.
In my earliest, pre-cognizant years, I was baptized as a Methodist Christian, to the dismay of my catholic grandparents. I believe it was an act of rebellion on the part of my mother. They tell me I handled the event quite peacefully, except for being stubborn about constantly pulling on the minister’s long mustache. Such was my induction into faith.
I remember attending several different Christian churches while growing up, mostly Methodist and Unitarian. All of them were very relaxed – as Protestantism goes – and didn’t stress religion too strongly. On the whole, they were inexpressibly boring. The first step was attending the sermon, which I could never remember, and had a terrible time sitting through. Then would come the children’s classes, where I did learn a few useful things. I still remember some of the lessons I learned about the disciples, and also that hell is a very bad place which I would enter directly if I ever committed suicide. I must say, that class caused me to never to consider suicide as an option, whatever my present beliefs may be.
At one point, our Sunday school teacher told us we should invite Jesus Christ into our hearts, and that if we did so, He would accept us. This was when I was about twelve years old, and represents my only active participation
